I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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