I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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