i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
