last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize