I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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