Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
