Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
