Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
