guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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