why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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