my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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