Non-Jews are for practice
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
