Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
