She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
