I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
