Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
