spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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