I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
