I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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