Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
