the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
