So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
