hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
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you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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