I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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