I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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