im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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