Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
