fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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