Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize