I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
