all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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