Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have fence marks all over my body
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
