My first STD was from a foam party
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if only i could text you this smell
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
