He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Vodka?
Forever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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