Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
