how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
