The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
