How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
