New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
