I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
