you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
