You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
