Just fell off a train. Bad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
