when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
