Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
