Just cropdusted the office
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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