soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
