You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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