sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
