you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
