Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
