pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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