How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
is that a dick in a sweater?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
