At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
