oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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