Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
