Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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