i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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