why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
