THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
