I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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