can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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