wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
