We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
