I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
