Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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