sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
