I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
