She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
