So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
