Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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