someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
